Mixed Up

Well now its been a really long time since I last posted something. Been really busy lately. However I decided that tonight would be a good night to write something. Its been a few weeks into the semester and believe it or not I've always managed to run into her. Again I think its God's funny sense of humor that I randomly meet up with her. Yet at times I don't know how to feel exactly when I do see her. I'm happy yet flustered and oddly comfortable around her. Its a really odd feeling I get whenever I see her. I've had my moments these past few years yet none of them seem to quite match what I feel nowadays. I've been trying to sort out my feelings as well as what God may be trying to show me through her. I guess one moment which occured last friday (this is going to be a little awkward and embarassing to write about but please don't think I'm a bad person) and lets just say wandering eyes are evil. When I realized it I just closed my eyes and told myself I shouldn't be thinking this way, especially with the way my feelings were.

I guess to be able to recognize that and yell at myself I knew where my heart was. That I wanted something more than a physical relationship. Like I said in my earlier posts I wanted to see more of her heart and somehow I've been able to in bits and pieces. She's going to lead a small group and even gave up somethings to grow closer to God. Its little by little but its peaked my curiosity. I'm not given chances to see what God does in the lives of the opposite sex but somehow God himself is revealing her heart to me. It seems kind of ironic because I did pray for that but again I'm at a loss at what to do. I really don't know how to proceed but I know I shouldn't be happy with where I'm at right now because things happen and I just might miss the opportunity again.

I guess I've come a long way from where I was beginning of summer, but I really hope to see where God takes my heart with these coming months.