Understanding the "catch" in my Creed.

I know I've mentioned this in some of my posts about the people (girls in particular) that I lend my services to. I say that I lend my services to everyone and fade into darkness, but if I feel that you're not the kind of person I want to help then you'll get no help from me. One such example I gave once is that if you're a girl and you were kidnapped by a witch and forced to make happy meal toys in a tower you shouldn't expect any guy now a days to save you. I dance between that line too. Guys now a days aren't what you would call charming princes and some girls aren't the ideal princess. Back in my middle and high school days I always tried my best to be a nice guy, a knight in shining armor to girls because nobody really likes a guy who's a jerk. Unfortunately some girls also became a part of the people who tormented me. I guess it was my own naivate to hope to find sympathy with these people but I didn't. I specifically remember one time where a guy who picked on me accidently broke the nose and teeth of another girl when we played soft ball in PE with a bat. In the math class that followed I overheard some girls talking about him. Now he was somewhat popular so I guess who wouldn't want to talk about this guy. These girls also somewhat hated me and they were saying all these compassionate things about him even saying (which still makes me want to throw up to this day) "I want to cry for him".

When one of the girls said this I took a brief look at the guy, he had one of those guilty looks like a child who got caught with crumbs on his face when thier parents found out he ate all the cookies. I guess this is where I can trace judging people and women. Seeing these girls compassion for this guy's accident and his guilt couldn't match the suffering in my heart. Being abandoned by friends, not fitting in how could that compare to this guy's guilt? In fact this guy wasn't even a gentlemen at all when it came to the opposite sex and yet he still got sympathy. I know I may be getting all over the place with this post but I just want to reflect on my feelings about the kind of people in the world. Sad part is that people like this guy and group of girls still exist in my life to this day. I've met some girls I wouldn't save from thier prison and there are people that recieve good things while I suffer and toil. I think that if I could explain the reason why these feelings about who I believe deserve to be judged or I should help is because I've been wronged and the lack of justice in the world.

Its the lack of people who want to be heroic, to show that good people and justice always prevails in the end. Men now a days are, like I said, not prince charming they're thugs, swindlers and sometimes idiots. I chose to be none of these and live a life dancing between the lines of light and dark. People often wonder where all the good people have gone, the answer is that they are trampled upon by the hypocrites who wonder where they have gone. It's like that line in Batman Begins, "I'm not going to kill you...But that doesn't mean I have to save you". There are good people out there, but you have to realize that they're there. Those people and I myself included choose to live good lives but we decide who deserve to see that. Maybe its mean and self centered but you treat us like trash and maybe we'll choose not to help you in the future. So I guess that somewhat explains why I choose to live in the twilight of light and dark when it comes to helping people and women.