Always being Wary

Well now two interesting posts in a row. I suppose this one arose from random thoughts as I lay in bed or simply walk around outside. I'm not too sure how people end up falling in love or decide how to get into a relationship. I know theres a lot of factors, of all the factors I suppose the worst ones are the shallow ones. Where the reasons are simply physical or simply just for the heck of it. Being human is sometimes a curse, recently I think I've fallen prey to this in terms of shallow feelings. I've been feeling something for another girl, but when I really thought about it I knew it was only some kind of physical attraction and not something of a deeper feeling. Its interesting how this thought arose, since one of my roommates joked with me asking me if there was anything between us since it always seemed like we were together. Then a while back one my dai ge told me that he'd imagine that the girl I would somehow get would be a peppy Japanese girl (ironically this same girl is half Japanese). She was also familiar with some anime titles that I have seen, particularly in the girl series. It was funny how I noticed these things too, for a while it could have seemed like that something could happen if I did something in my mind, but somewhere in my gut (key word here is "gut") told me something could happen.

Between you and me I chose to follow my heart instead of my gut. I knew that this attraction was merely something physical and instinctive. Primal feelings are funny too, I suppose shallow feelings stemmed from them. I don't want to go along with these feelings simply because I feel desparate, I want it to be something that I want to do. I think these crazy thoughts come from my yearning for those old feelings of when I was in love. I really don't feel anything for anyone in particular. Maybe its because I want to protect my heart because I don't want to admit that my heart was hurt before because of my lack of action. I'm glad that I've become wary of what feelings that I should be paying attention to and which ones that I should ignore. It would be easy for me to go along with these simplistic feelings, but thats not what people should look for in relationships. I've been told that the one thing people should consider when they date another is if they can see themselves being married to this person someday. Sure it sounds like setting your expectations too high, but I think its a good point. Looks will fade once you get to know that person and personality is what will remain forever.

I suppose that I've been bitching too much about being single and being surrounded by friends and strangers who have someone of the opposite sex. I love to watch and live my life by my own terms but its like I said in my last post sometiems its not fun watching the world go by before you and others passing you by like you don't matter. If I could say something to my readers its that I don't mind being single, even if I never catch the heart of my holy maiden it would be ok. Sure it sounds like I lament and bitch, but I do realize my short comings and weaknesses. Thats why I don't want to give into shallow feelings, it would be giving into the weakness to simply relive old memories. Those old memories should be kept in my heart and I realize that they shouldn't be relived by following my gut but treasured. They say that love happens at unexpected times, perhaps this was an unexpected time but I'm not giving in. I'm sure when I do feel something its with my heart and not with my gut.