That's a Weird Question

Well it was a productive week, got a group presentation done. So I decided to post something two readers might like I suppose. This actually happened last week, but I decided to think about it for a while and such. Surprisingly I've been taking things quite well in terms of my romantic life. At times its liberating and other times it makes me feel lonely. I don't necessarily regret the things I've done, since to regret is like saying you want a time machine or you want to load that last good save point. Anyways its storytime now I suppose. Last Wednesday I was leaving my apartment to head out to AACF. Since the shuttles are gone I decided to have a nice trip on the bus. As I stepped out the entrance way to the street with my favorite song playing on my ipod, I saw two of my friends driving by. They were headed the same direction as me so I took them up on the ride offer. We picked up some other people and got onto campus. We were all headed to the room we meet, I was having small talk with my friend when she asked me "So Jeff, any girls in your life." If this were an anime this is the point where I fall face first into the floor or I spray the drink I was drinking out of my mouth. I'm pretty sure to one of my readers this story probably sounds quite familiar since you were there though I don't think you were evesdropping on our conversation but I think you can understand why I felt this way and even who I was talking to.

I didn't know how to answer, so much was going on in my heart and in my mind. In the end I gave her the most simpliest answer I could think of at the time "I'm too old". It made her laugh and she told me I was still full of life and in my heart it made me glad I could make her smile. It was a strange question coming from her, I always hoped that I'd get that question from the girl I liked and I would tell her about her. I'd describe who she was to me and if she wanted to know who it was it would segway for me to tell her that it really is her. Wow that sentence was full of "shes" and "hers". In fact thats how I would have ideally had it. At that moment I just didn't know what to tell her, I know my readers know of the eloquent and sweet things I've wrote about her, but the question was for myself how could I tell her all of these things? It was the one question that I waited for all my life, but circumstances and such kind of prevented all that. There are times I wonder if I even did have a chance, although the more I thought into that potential relationship that experience with me might have made her into a nun.

I know I shouldn't be talking this way about myself, but I think she deserves a better experience with the guy she's with now. From what I hear she is and I'm glad for that. I've gotten a lot of advice from different people some from my dai ge and the other from my roommate. I suppose I enjoy talking with my dai ge more since his advice has God in the picture while my roommate's adivce is very biased and world oriented. My roommate's advice came up last week too, he told me about how I told him that I was happy being single and maybe even for the rest of my life. He gave me the whole pond and ocean metaphor, but I wasn't satisfied with it you may be honest, but where is God in the picture. My dai ge just got into a relationship and we had a heart to heart talk a while back. His story about his struggles and trials seemed more relatable since he put God first before himself. The one thing that he told me was that when you do find that person you experience more than you can ever bargin for. There are times that are difficult for him, he realizes that its not about having fun or about yourself, it should be a relationship that grows both people for themselves and God.

A relationship is both a blessing and a challenge, I realize that its not something that I want to rush into carelessly I want to take my time. Yet the world says don't take your time since you just might end up like I said in my answer "too old". I know I've got a lot of fight left in me, I'm the ninja of Long Beach after all. Maybe this incident was fate's cruel way to mock me of my singleness and to make me regret all the things I've done or maybe it was from God to show me how at peace I was and how I could still be a blessing to her. Just as God works in mysterious ways so does the ninja of Long Beach. I suppose I'll finish this post with an anime scene that this whole thing reminded me of. It's from Code Geass episode 14. Its between main character Lelouch and Shirley one of those female characters who has a huge crush on the main guy character yet he does not realize it since he's too busy trying to rule the friggen world but at the same time he kind of does realize it. Lelouch goes up to Shirley, she doesn't realize who he is because he erased her memory of himself. She asks him why he happens to be in the area and he tells her that he's here to see a precious friend he lost (hint its Shirley). Lelouch tells her how he misses her smile and thier stupid fights. Shirley then asks him did he love this person and he answers he doesn't know. I kind of felt this way, I hold these memories in my heart yet I could never tell her of my feelings and she lives unaware of them. I don't regret these memories they're precious to me just as she is now. It is the destiny only the ninja of Long Beach can walk.