Why do we talk when we should listen?

I meant to post this last night, but a"special" set back and hanging out with friends delayed it until today. There are times in our lives when we hold things in and sometimes we just want to speak those things out to another. But at the same time we fear what that person will say when they hear it all. Its like in a manga I read theres a quote I really liked "We all pretend we don't know and we wipe up our tears and go on with our lives." I suppose that people fear the judgmental eye of the person that we talk to about problems. More or less I had another talk with the same roomate I sometimes talk to. Its been a while since I last spoke to him, it wasn't about women this time. More or less talking with him I noticed a few things. One was bias and the other was the absence of God. I really don't want to go into details about the discussion because like I always mention it is to protect the guilty (an oxymoron I know). It was like I spoke and he judged, its the complete opposite reason I wanted to talk to him. He knows a little about what I went through from high school, he brushed that off. That is where the bias comes in, no one can brush off something like that. I felt worthless, a faceless shadow in a injust world those who wronged me had everything I longed for and didn't deserve it. And in some way he told me to forget about it. More or less I felt as if I was being judged rather than recieving comfort.

Which brings up my next point he told me that he's always brutally honest with people he talks to about problems. I sometimes wonder why people go to others to talk about problems. From this experience I see now that the people who want to talk about thier problems are looking for a social masturbation, a quick feel good fix to the big problems in thier hearts. In some ways I was glad about that, but then comes the absence of God that I've been noticing. As Christians we are to live not of this world, yet I wonder where he is with God. He practically lives the typical college life partying and drinking, that I worry he does not see the entire picture at times. This is not a judgment reversal, it is my curiosity. This guy is my brother, yet I know very little about his spiritual life. One of the things I don't regret in my years here is going to guys small group instead of anime club. I think if it weren't for the leaders and the members I wouldn't be able to be open to sharing at times. Regardless his brutal honesty was fixed within the confines of what society says about ourselves. That we should live our lives to the fullest and then go out with a bang so that people will remember you.

Wow I really went off topic right there but back to canon material. I suppose that from this experience I'm not satisfied with what we talked about. To me it was biased shallow advice. But I think thats the problem when two people talk, its not about listening and then getting an answer its about listening and then understanding. Things like "I know what you're going through" or some kind of make shift solution aren't going to cut it for people. The truth is when two people talk we don't know what to expect from the other. That is why we should listen and understand rather than talk to reach a truth. It's like when my grandpa passed away, I took a walk with my Dai-ge around the apartments. He told me that when these things happen we should let people talk and the other person to listen and say nothing more so that the other person might understand the feelings in the other's heart. I think that this is a better way to reach the solution in our hearts, we should approach the truth for ourselves rather than having someone else spout an answer for us. It might be slow and painful but we reach a truth that will satisfy what we seek. Its like my what my other Dai-ge told me when we fail and fall, we don't fall backwards we fall forwards. We pick ourselves up, we shouldn't talk to another person to get an answer from them to do it for us. Thus we should always be open if we want to talk, when we listen we should be silent and help that person reach an answer for themselves. Sure it might not seem supportive, but the listener can pray that the other person may find peace or understanding in whatever they need. I think thats just what anyone would want to recieve an answer by themselves simply by being open while another is there to support from a distance and allow them to speak what lies heavy in thier hearts.