Putting yourself out there

Well I'm back from Mississippi. Had a lot of fun there spending time with my grandma and visiting my grandpa's grave. I suppose this is the mid point of summer. So here's a rare post I thought about while I was away. One of the biggest problems I always tell people is that I never have time for women. With that being said I think the biggest problem I face is the fact that I'm not a very open person. I know on the outside I look pretty mean sometimes (I almost seem emotionless sometimes) so its one of the things that may scare people away from me. I suppose it kind of scares women away from me, that plus I'm not the hansomest guy in the world so screw you shallow world. Looks aside, I'm a pretty strange guy at times. For example, as some of you know I love anime (i.e. I've done two really cheap cosplay costumes for two Halloweens) and sometimes that weirds people out. My guess is that this quirk about me sends the message that I'm not in touch with reality or I'm some geek who still watches cartoons (really you guys anime is not like cartoons, they range from intelectual to porno).

But really thats who I am, I know it's kind of hard to find a girl whos into anime as much as me but I'm trying its just hard for me to please women with this part of me. Since I really don't watch that much American T.V. so I'm not really into reality t.v. or some shows out there. So I can't really relate to most people when it comes to domestic stuff.

Second problem, I don't talk much. It's like I tell some people "I don't have much to say so I just keep quiet", in other words I don't want to talk just for the sake of talking so I don't want to talk a person's head off. It's like what most people say, when you find that person you'll make it so that you treat them differently than other people. When your a quiet guy like me, actions speak louder than words so thats why I do ninja work for girls free. But thats the problem, the "s" at the end of girl rather than singular. It's hard for me to talk to girls sometimes, no I'm not afraid of them its just that I get really shy. I feel so awkard and out of place, in fact if I tried flirting with a girl you'll notice how awkward and difficult it is to me.

I couldn't put myself out there for women to notice me even if you gave me a manual. I would see it as if I had to jump through hoops sometimes to gain nothing or wasting my time that I could have been doing other things. But I suppose thats the thrill of the hunt. I wish I had it easy like in some anime where the girl confesses to me or I just so happen to run into the perfect girl while getting to class. But then again such a scenario would never happen in my world since its the guy who has to win the girl.

I might be the only one to blame for all this and not trying to find someone. Its just hard sometimes. I'm a good guy I know that, but sometimes I think that it just means that girls would just see me as the good friend rather than as a young man they would love to date. I could change the way I do things, but I feel that I'm at a point in my life where I'm satisfied with how women see me. I might meet that girl who notices the good points in me rather than the shallow points. Perhaps another female reader other than the ones I know of who read this will see that and that would be my way of putting myself out there.