Love and Suffering

Well its been a while since I last posted something. I suppose it'll be a combo girl and deep post. I don't think anyone in this world ever deserves to have anything bad happen to them. Yet in our world we let unfair things happen to us. We can't control it, we wish we can but we can't. Sometimes I wish bad things would happen to people who ask for it, yet its a contradiction to my own thinking why should I take pleasure in another's suffering. It's selfish, but it's simply not fair that good people have to suffer. I suppose this thought came up because my older brother ran into some trouble with living accomadations up north a few weeks ago, but he has a place now praise God. My older brother is the coolest guy in the world, he's hardworking, kind, loving and strong. Yet something like this has to come along in his life. It pained my heart for the longest time to see him suffer so. Not only that but he once had a girl friend, I think any girl that had him for a boy friend was a lucky girl. I never knew for a while how long they were together or even if they shared such a close relationship. I don't know the details but I think they grew apart eventually and stopped seeing each other for some reason. Yet beginning of summer he asked me to pray for him and even her. It was an encouraging thing for me to see, despite all the suffering he went through he bore all of it alone yet he came to me to help ease it and even for her.

The two of us are quite similar, we're the kind of guys who when someone sees us you can't help but wish for something cool to happen to them, yet it doesn't happen. I think that in anytime of suffering the person who's suffering wants to be loved. Sometimes we can't understand how people feel, we just want to know that someone will be there for us in our times of suffering. Dang I forget how this was going to be a part girl post but you kind of see what I mean. People hurt and the world just doesn't let up in doling out punishment to some who don't deserve it.

I think I kind of know where I wanted to go with this for a girl post. I have some romance anime in my collection. Ah! My Goddess is one I added to my collection a story of how a bumbling college student ends up with a nice girl friend by magic. All in all when I watch it I kind of get a social mastubation, it makes me feel nice because of the fact that even though I'm single I'm still a good person and thats what matters. But short explaination on how this is relevant, said college student suffers and from his noble endevor in the face of suffering he gets one wish and he accidently uses that wish to live with the goddess that appears before him forever and the two end up boy friend and girl friend through their hilarious adventures together. Not that I think I deserve a girl friend because I suffer, its just that I think it seems nice that despite the things in our hearts we can love another no matter what.

It's just that when I watch some of my anime I just can't help but wish I could fall in love again. I can say that this past year was filled with warm fuzzies in my heart whenever I saw my friend, but now a days I don't feel anything. The people around me have more or less someone of the opposite sex to spend time with, yet I'm just some old fart who has no one and seems to repel girls with his nerdiness. The world seems to be ambivalent to my quiet heart break and I don't know what to do sometimes. I hope to one day have my Valaro and Alicia kind of relationship for me, but sometimes that hope just gets a little farther and farther away. I know that such a thing is all upon me to do something about it, but I'll live my life the way I want to. Despite all the suffering and awkwardness I feel in my heart about love I'll continue to live on and confront the contradictions of the world and my own life. I am the ninja of Long Beach and to those suffering in silence as well we shall confront those sufferings together.