Thoughts of the other under the sky so blue

Well I just finished two papers, one five page and the other a light three page. So I thought it would be a good idea to celebrate by posting something. Since I missed V Day or single awareness day and two of my four readers politely (DEMANDED?) asked for a post like this one, for once I'll indulge you. But know you just used a request for this post like this, thus you will now be at the mercy of I'll post something about women when I feel like it. If your interested to know what exactly I do to get into the mood to write these posts I listen to my various itunes of select calm J-pop so youtube these songs or not: I hear you everywhere by Rie Tanaka, This Love by Angela Aki and Inori~You Raise Me Up by Lena Park (the Japanese version).

So listen to those while reading if you want I'll wait.........Okay lets begin this post shall we. Today I awoke from my dazed slumber, one of the freshman girls got me a little sick so I couldn't breathe out of one nostril for some reason so not a very comfortable sleep. I walked out and looked at the vast blue sky, to quote myself "It should be a crime to do anything besides relax on a blue sky like this.". And I wonder that from time to time, much like that part near the end of Forrest Gump where he talks about gazing at the sunset when he did his endless jog and wondering what Jenny was doing as he was jogging and in an anime I'm watching Tsubasa Chronicles where the girl wonders if the guy thinks of her at night just as she thinks of him (again this is one of the good animes not the dirty ones) thats what I wonder too about my precious person. I write and write my thoughts and my four readers enjoy it, but I sometimes don't know what she thinks about me.

What would she think about a young man like me and his sweet love for her that goes beyond simply hoping for a relationship with her. Well I have had a few opportunities to find out, how I do this you'll have to ask me in person since I find it pretty strange and when you find out you'd all probably badger me as much as requesting posts like this to do something. First look, she and I were walking together and she told me of a particular occasion when I popped into her mind. Heres what it was about: it was on anime, manga in particular; since she was doing some holiday shopping and she didn't want her parents to feel awkward about it (anime shopping is an awkward thing to do for a parent, I've got stories about observing parents who had to do it). Now it usually reduces me to hysterical sobs (equivalent to when Natalie had me kill everyone in our Christmas banquet skit) when any of my friends tell me they saw an anime advertisement and I popped into thier minds almost instantenously. Now I'm not insulted by that it just means that I've got an identity in people's mind and I'm darn proud of it. When she told me that I wasn't insulted, it warmed my heart even though it was about anime it makes me happy that I've made some impression on her with my fanboyism. A normal girl would be weirded out by my geekyiness, but I'm glad that she accepts that part of me. We even talked later about hanging out and watching anime one day, should we ever get the time, which I really hope we do.

Another time we were sitting together and we were talking about random stuff again (this time not about anime). It wasn't so much as me bringing it up, but she was willing to open up about her family and her struggles this past year. This was one of the things that I had always hoped to talk to her about, but I never got the chance since I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. She told me of how she was trying to hold her family together despite a tragedy that befell her family almost a year ago. While she was able to be at peace with what happened it seems that to some of her family still haven't adjusted just yet. When she told me this my ninja's mindeye (its a strange sixth sense I have that kicks in when I know something's out of place or to predict hilarious things) kicked in. I looked into her eyes and I could tell that she wanted to cry, but she was holding it in since there were a lot of people around. At that moment I wanted to hold her in my arms, I wanted her to let it out. A part of me wanted to cry with her and it wouldn't have mattered if everyone gave us awkward looks or anything since those are nothing compared to the pain of losing a loved one. I didn't listen to my mindeye that time, I simply told her I'd continue praying for her just like I always have. I know it wasn't as big as what I wanted to do above, but as her watchful guardian from the shadows it was the least I could do for her. She thanked me for that and my mindeye told me that she truly did feel blessed that she could open up to me and for my concern and I still boardered the best friend area but it didn't matter to me.

A woman's mind is a strange thing, while my mind is plagued with anime, anime ideas, video games, historical theory and that box where I lock up my thoughts about women; I wonder what she thinks of me. I've been told that my passive actions will probably only get me so far as "bff" status and I probably am at that stage if my mindeye is correct. However there's always that "x" factor, such as maybe she does feel the same (probably not but its good to dream), maybe there's another guy either at school, church or wherever or perhaps it's like what I wrote earlier that a guy might make her stumble if she got into a relationship. I can't say what she is truly thinking, the only way for me to know is if I ever did give that confession to her (I may or never will, who knows). I'd want to know what she thinks of me as her brother in Christ and as a man. I wonder what she thinks about how I think of her (clean thoughts) as I lay awake at night and hoping that she and her family find peace and happiness, how I hope that she'll have a bright and loving future even if it's not me by her side.

So I'll ponder these thoughts in my continued journeys in the shadows as I watch over the one precious to my heart. I know that she has a positve image of me in her mind, so I'll keep that in my heart as her watchful ninja in the darkness of society so long as she can keep smiling under the sky so blue.