Many different definitions

Now its really been a long time since I last posted. Lets just say its a result of life's bumps, lack of inspiration, and sheer laziness. I guess now would be a good time as any to look back and just think. I guess this post came up from something stupid as I laid in bed one night a few weeks ago. I thought about love and how people go about it. Then that stupid song "What is Love" came up and I thought about writing about it from that (You all were thinking about it anyways). Looking back at my life in general and the women who have sparked my interest, it was always a story of unrequited love. As a kid and misguided and nerdy teenager, I never got those cheezy movie romances or mutual feelings from another girl. I hoped for them but in reality they never came. These past few years haven't been any different. I guess it could either be chalked up to indecisiveness or timidness. I've seen people get together, sometimes they were meant for each other or I would have never seen it coming. I know I can't really define love in general but I can at least define it in terms of my experiences.

My love is simple, though it makes it a double edged sword. I don't expect much but at the same time it can seem naive. It is selfless, it considers the feelings of others before myself. It is self concious, another bad thing I tend to over think things causing me to hold back or not take risks. Finally it is unknown, the feelings and thoughts I've had about the things I've written go unseen and unknown by these women. I really hope this doesn't seem emo-ish, but hear this one out. I saw this in Fruits Basket, where one of the characters can't live with his mother because she rejected him. So he lives separately from her and she lives unaware of his true identity as her son because she had her memories erased. Even though she lives blissfully unaware of this knowledge the young man still loves her and even though he can't be loved by his mother its a painful secret that he must bear to show his love to his mother.

I feel the same way. I know I might be fated to live by myself alone and I never did have a chance to tell some of these girls how I felt its alright. I know they'll all meet nice guys and be happy. Though they may live unaware of how I felt, it seems like I will be the one to bear it. Any other guy would regret the things they didn't do but not me. People will tell me that I'm a fool for thinking this way. But thats my definition of love, it is a painful streak of unrequited love but ultimately seeks the happiness of the women in my past and holds those memories of them to grow stronger from it.