Sorting Out

Well I guess I've got some kind of inspiration. I really need to make my post on the Children of Overon some time in the future. I guess this came up during this week. It all started with my early trip to campus (since I love to get to school early for class) I made my way to the Student Union to see if anyone was at the tables around 9 in the morning. I got there and once again God seems to have a good sense of humor, because she was the only one there. I walked up to the table and sat with her. She was doing some studying so I read the paper for a bit. Eventually we get into small conversations, nothing too deep, I tell her how I've been doing and she tells me how she is. Funny thing was when I spoke with her I didn't get as nervous as I usually do whenever I talk the girl I'm attracted to. My heart didn't beat fast nor did I stutter, I was oddly comfortable. It was one of those moments where I wanted to say lord make this moment last, I didn't care if it was just small conversations we were having, just being near her made me happy. Unfortunately all good things had to end and I had to go to class.

That night I kind of thought about this experience. It always seems like thoughts come to me as I go to sleep. I wondered about my feelings for her, how I was comfortable talking with her. One of the things I told her was about my experiences thus far in school. That there might be a possibility that I may not be able to continue. Its not something I really like to talk about now a days but I told her. She tried to be encouraging, because she knows I work hard and was glad that my parents understood. I kind of took the time to sort my feelings out. I really do care for her, but I may never have the chance to tell her and I may not see her ever again. Then I asked myself what if she finds someone, will I be happy? I would and then I had to face my fear of not seeing her. Its kind of like in a manga I read, where a girl spends the day with the guy she likes. At the end of the day she asks him why he has to leave her, but he says you shouldn't worry about that because if you think you'll never see a person again then thats how small you think of your world when it should be big. I thought about that for a while and I came to terms with my dilemma. Like I said before if God has a good sense of humor then I just might see her in the days beyond the ones I have now.

In the end I just feel at peace knowing that she'll be fine on her own. Maybe I'll tell her these feelings but I think I might not. To think that these thoughts were sorted out from one conversation with her.